Early last week, I had an epiphany. I realized that while I truly believed that everything I have been through in my life has happened for a reason, I did not know what it was I was supposed to be doing with it. Thanks to a couple of hard knocks on the head by some people I know, it dawned on me: Share it all. Show the world that it can beat me, abuse me, and in the end, I am going to still be standing, doing my thing and finding the humor in it all. All that being said, let’s get going on this post.

The Challenge

Yes, it is true. I am my own worst critic! I will take that and run with it. Honestly, it is true for us all. The challenge here is to wait for that little voice we all have. You guys know the one. It does nothing but nag you to death with every negative thought and emotion you have. It literally comes out both engines going. It is difficult to listen to and even harder to shut up. Now that you have it, I want you to grab it! Chase it down and gag it! Then, beat it down and FORCE it to croon positive affirmations back at you! What’s that you say? You think you can’t? Well, I am going to tell you that your can’t is impossible! Why is it impossible? Because in the immortal words of Mrs. Lewis, can’t does not exist in this world. You do not try to do this, you just DO IT! Now, get moving! It isn’t going to shut up on its own! Got it? Gagged it? Beat it down? Yes? Awesome! Today’s positive affirmation, at least for me anyways (and if you need one, feel free to use it!) is: You are a beautiful disaster, perfectly imperfect! You are unique and there is not one single person that is on this planet that can do all it is that you do! Head up girl! Walk proud, Walk strong, cause the world is waiting for you!

The Goal

My goal here is quite simplistic in design, perhaps difficult or trying to accomplish. Why? Because it involves having faith. The goal is to believe that there is going to come a day, in my lifetime, that I will not have to challenge myself, to solely reaffirm myself. That is to say, I will wake up one day and just KNOW that I am the only me and that I am truly awesome in all ways! That is the goal. See, I told you it was simplistic! I have to have faith that this day will come. I believe it is within arm’s reach. I also have faith that you too will accomplish this! Faith, at one point in my life was summed up by this quote: “I have faith, I just need proof to back it up.” (From the movie Simon Birch – which I HIGHLY recommend to all) I am going to go on record today and say this, in regards to that: Faith is a stone on which to build your life. It helps you to secure a belief and it fosters your dreams and for those who don’t have it, it is elusive at best. My suggestion is this: Tell yourself once you have completed the challenge that tomorrow will be different. Tell yourself that tomorrow you won’t have to do that. Tell yourself that everything you want in life, out of life, is possible because YOU will make it happen. That my dear meepers is Faith!

The Dream

Now that we have completed the challenge and gotten our Faith back, the dream is this: Make your life your own! Dominate it! Own it! Conquer it! Personally, I want to grow up to be a Computer Scientist that specializes in Networking Administration and Security. I want a Ph. D. While that is not something that I can achieve overnight, I am diligently working on it. I am 3 terms away from my Associates. Then its something like another 48 credit hours for my Bachelors, then another 52 for my Masters. Notice I am choosing to not view this in terms of years! Realistically, for what *I* want to do, I will never finish school! I am okay with that. Why? Because my dream demands it! I WILL have my Ph.D, I Will move to England. I will own my life and be the best that I can be! I guess what I am trying to say with this is that the dream is to Believe. Believe completely in who you are.  Believe in your abilities. Believe that what you want will happen, because you have faith in yourself!

There are probably going to be some that read this and think: “Why is she writing all this?” My answer is simple: I am writing this because *I* will re-read this at some point and it will serve as reality check. You see, I am hopeful and while I currently have faith, I am also quite weak sometimes and I have been known to let that little voice of negativity nag at me for days/weeks at a time. This is my reminder to NOT do that. This could be looked at as my new mantra. I am changing my life. I am making my life my own. I am smart enough to know that a day will come that I am going to look back on this and really needs these words. This will hopefully have a dual purpose: to straighten my own thinking up and snap it back in line and to hopefully motivate you all to do the same! The most important thing of all, that you can do for yourself, is to love yourself and know your own worth and if this helps anyone, including myself, find that, then well, this was worth writing!

And with that, I am going to leave you all with my Quote of the Day: Change your thoughts and you change your world. ~ Norman Vincent Peale. I am sending you all Pengy Love and starting my own day!

Ms. Pengelf

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